Crazy as a bedbug.

I've been stymied for days for an acceptable non-review topic here- most of the world is simply too utterly derailed to bear closer scrutiny.  I doubt any of us need more depressing information.

So I was delighted today when the NYT published a bedbug story- complete with deranged scientists.

Some of it is actually good news you can use.  Turns out, an ancient "folk" remedy for bedbugs (which have been exploding in US cities- and motels-) not only works; it works extremely well.  The leaves of some bean plants (list not included) have microscopic hooks on the underside that happen to be just the right size, shape, and strength - to capture and immobilize bed bugs.


   "Generations of Eastern European housewives doing battle against bedbugs spread bean leaves around the floor of an infested room at night. In the morning, the leaves would be covered with bedbugs that had somehow been trapped there. The leaves, and the pests, were collected and burned — by the pound, in extreme infestations."

Sounds good to me!  

The "deranged" scientists crack is from me- because the piece reports their "surprise" that a piece of traditional wisdom - works : pah; only a "folk remedy!" - you know; like aspirin, digitalis, quinine...

Scoffing at ancient wisdom is in fact a proven piece of idiocy.  Isn't it time we stop being surprised that our ancestors were smarter than mud?

Then; their first thought is "cool, we'll make an improved version of these micro hooks!" - only to discover that- (after ONE iteration) their hooks don't work as well as the bean leaf hooks; which, duh; are the result of probably 20,000,000 iterations via annual evolutionary processes.

Good polka dot gallows stuff.  If you're in the mood.

Though I have to admit- I find this a little depressing...   : -)

Well. How Rude!

So it turns out my first review will be of Google's "AdSense".  Not rats.  Or, maybe it is rats.  You know, the nifty way Google offers (repeatedly) for bloggers to make a few pennies with easy-peasy advertising on their blogs?

Now this blog here is what you'd call a "middling" performer, at the moment.  Far from the top (though way back in the early days, when I was posting daily, and visiting other bloggers, and doing the whole megillah, I did get up into the top 2% on Technorati for a while) - but also very far from the bottom.  (Hm; actually; just checked Technorati for the first time in years; this blog is ranked 56,258* - out of 1,322,165 blogs they monitor.  Last time I did math; that puts me in the top 5%, right now- yes?  That includes a lot of dead blogs, of course.)

I expected signing up to prostitute myself would be very simple and straightforward- that's certainly what Google led me to believe.  Take a look at their basic pitch, a little video (I think they borrowed the Geico gecko - cute, huh?) about 1 minute long.  Sounds simple, no?

So I bit the bullet.  Filled in all the blanks with all the information.  Clicked all the boxes.  And?

They turned me down!  Rudely; in fact.  They didn't just say "Sorry, but we are not able to open an AdSense account with you at the moment."; no, they informed me, in one sentence, that "this account has been disapproved."

I think they need an expert in communication, somewhere to tell them that "cannot approve" and "disapprove" are not identical messages.  They disapprove of me.  Oh yeahhh!?  Well, I disapprove of YOU.  So there!

; - )

And- surprise- friendly, local, Google, our warm internet buddy, has gone Big Biz- and they can't really be bothered with... um... customers, I guess.  I got NO feedback on - why.  Just (twice) this rude and truly exceptionally uncommunicative email:


   "Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your
application, our specialists have found that it does not meet our program
criteria. Therefore, we are unable to accept you into our program.

   "We have certain policies in place that we believe will help ensure the
effectiveness of Google ads for our publishers as well as for our
advertisers. We review all publishers, and we reserve the right to decline
any application. As we grow, we may find that we are able to expand our
program to more web publishers with a wider variety of web content.

   "Please note that we may not be able to respond to inquiries regarding the
specific reasons for our decision. Thank you for your understanding.

   "Sincerely,

   "The Google AdSense Team"

I'm wounded.   Not only did they turn my offer of self-prostitution down- they can't be bothered to tell me why!  Not a hint.  Well; except that it's my fault, and they disapprove.  I don't meet their criteria?

You know- you could have saved my time- and yours - by stating your criteria; in a format I could comprehend.  Gotta say - you didn't.  And you didn't inform me after the event, either.   Not, in my book, sound business practice.  I'm informing the Wall Street Journal.  Look for Google stock to start dropping tomorrow.

And; my specialists think your specialists are a bunch of self-inflated nincompoops.

Basically, I'm laughing about this; of course.  At most, I expected to be earning a pittance.  But more seriously- I read all their stuff; so far as I can tell from reading their official information there is no reason why I wouldn't fit right in.  Hey; no porn here, right?  You don't even see an f word in the comments here, more than twice a year.  Exactly what is there here for Great Google to disapprove?  He whimpered.  I am clueless.  Again.  Naturallee.

Rude, rude, rude.

Just too hard to concentrate on rats today with this kind of insult lurking about in my hindbrain.

So; Review: Google AdSense:  Two Thumbs Down.

And a neener-neener.


(and I'm sure some "specialist" at Google will remark "Wow, talk about biting the hand that feeds you!" - since the host of this blog is, um Blogger; which is now owned by Google...  except, guys - manifestly, you aren't feeding me...)

------------------------------------------------------------

   * Update, next day; today my Technorati rating jumped up over - 10,000 blogs.  2/21 - 46,521.  To give you and idea how all this works.  : - )

In case you were worried...

You can now relax.

We have some mildly amusing, and wholly bemusing evidence today that there's nothing all that urgent, and the world has such an incredible abundance of resources we can, and should, just fritter them. I'll present two examples.

In Japan, which, as we know has a problem or two, really on the serious side; one of their most prominent corporations, Panasonic, announced today that it is in the final stages of commercializing a new robot, and is going to start selling it. Since this is NKH feed, I'll include some of the text:

------------------------------------

"Japanese electronics maker Panasonic will start testing a shampooing robot with the aim of putting it on the market within a year. Panasonic announced on Monday that it will start the tests this week at a barber shop in Nishinomiya, western Japan.

"Sensors in the robot's hands scan the shape of a customer's head. The robot then wets and washes the hair with 24 'robo-fingers,' which Panasonic says recreates the feel of human fingers.

"Panasonic official Yukio Honda says the robot will help improve the quality of life for people receiving nursing care or those with disabilities. He adds that the company intends to install the robot in hair salons across Japan and put it on the nursing care market as soon as possible."

-----------------------------------

I confess, my mind boggles a bit. Japan is struggling with huge youth unemployment, is trying to import health care workers from the Philippines and Malaysia- so... yeah, this seems like a great idea. Chop human contact further for the aging and disabled, and just run them through the new car-wash machine. I suppose it's possibly that it could actually take 3 people to run and maintain the machine now; instead of the one shampoo-girl it used to... that would improve the jobs situation, right?

The second example is from the good ol' USA college community.

"A team of engineers at Purdue University has set the world record for "Largest functional Rube Goldberg machine" with a mind-boggling contraption that takes 300 steps to inflate and pop a balloon. In doing so, they bested themselves, as they had the previous record, with 244 steps. "

But wait; it gets better. "14 members worked on this project over a span of six months -- for a total of 5,000 hours."

Ok, so call me a cranky-pants. I realize, engineers just want to have fun; but really- couldn't they have had 5,000 hours worth of creative fun working on something that actually had a chance of being useful, somewhere, somehow? It seems a bit excessive to work so hard on something where the entire point of the work- is that it is useless.

Or, go to YouTube if Blogger is cranky.

Grump grump. Oh, look; I like Rube-Goldberg gimmicks too. Yes, their uselessness and pointlessness is useful and educational. But. Maybe it can be overdone? I mean- they could have built a robot that can trim toenails in assisted living homes. The Japanese are way, way, ahead of us.

And, they might have asked for a little help from some student with experience in video making...

Political dialogue!

In the Polka Dot Gallows category. Today's cartoon strip from Brewster Rockit is the most intelligent commentary on current political processes I've seen; reaffirming my contention that our comedians and humorists are in fact today's actual great philosophers.

True, true, true, and yes, it hurts.

Polka Dot Gallows! - 6/23/11

I have started new posts several times in the past weeks- and never managed to get them finished to the point where they were ready to put up. Too many interruptions from the Universe, which seems sometimes to be looking to change its name to the OmniPerverse.

Besides that big storm which tracked all across our county, which tossed oak branches through the potty house roof, and which incidentally turned out to be a genuine tornado- we're having a very cool, soaking wet year so far. Making most of the processes on any farm slow and difficult; when not impossible.

The other reason for not finishing the posts- they're serious ones; and I really want to do them right, and well. Still working there.

Meanwhile. When I bump into some news that is just mind-bogglingly mind boggling, I do get the urge to share. The Polka Dot Gallows concept is related to the German phrase for mordant humor, often called "dark" humor in English. They call it "galgenhumor", literally "gallows humor". I figured as long as so much of our humor these days is coming from the gallows- we might as well go ahead and make the gallows a fun place. Hence my polka dots.

As you might guess, today's Polka Dot Gallows entries are from Japan. So much of the news there has just been purely horrifying, that I figure a little lightening up will be useful.

You'll be glad to know that Japan is now Safe To Visit! We know for sure!

Our Primary Source of Truth And Expertise has proclaimed it. Lady Gaga. Of course.

"Pop singer Lady Gaga has assured the world that Japan is safe to visit following the March 11th earthquake and nuclear accident."

Thank goodness, we can relax at last. If you find it a bit peculiar that the Japanese government is relying on pop singers for public relations expertise, you may want to consider Item Two for the Polka Dot Gallows today:

If you're wondering if Homer Simpson is actually in charge of nuclear power oversight in Japan, wonder no more. They've fired him; and replaced him with The Three Stooges. (And yes, you're correct, they're dead.)

See, Tepco has installed a nifty new "American made" filtering system, so they can filter out some of the incredibly radioactive crud in the water in their basements, and then, maybe, reuse that water to "cool" the corium still melting its way through their reactor floors.

Except, after several days; the nifty new filters are not working.

They think, today, they may have finally figured out why.

Basically - they hadn't turned it on. That was the "American built" system. Just incidentally, for more fun, they add "The test-run was interrupted on Tuesday after a pump to send water into French-made decontamination equipment stopped, also due to the wrong setting of a valve."

So we're in good hands, folks. Lady Gaga and The Three Stooges.

Hopefully there's someone a little more adept in charge in Nebraska right now. They're close enough to us that I am, in fact, worried. Although the Nuclear Regulatory Commission now has 6 people on site, instead of the normal 2; and are putting out press releases that they've "made extensive preparations" - I have yet to see any statement that the cooling systems of these plants were designed to run under water, with no electricity.

And do remember how forthcoming all the world governments have been, and the power companies, and the press, with information about malfunctioning reactors.

Royal what??

My favorite of the various responses to the Royal Hoo Hah:

Or, for a full page view via Tom TDB's Facebook process; click here.

Ah, winter.

Sorry to be so quiet- this is a crazy busy time of year for us; one of our crops is chestnuts, and guess when you sell them?

The sales window for traditional markets is small, and it can't be done "later"; only "now". Just for extra fun, of course, two of our vehicles, the farm truck and the family car, have decided that now is the time for them to die; or almost die. So lots of extra monkey business there.

And, last night winter finally, really, closed down on us; 8 inches of snow, overnight. On icy hard-frozen ground. The John Deere 4WD was slipping sideways quite a bit as I plowed out.

Supposed to be a time of rest for farmers. Ho ho ho.

Murphy, and his laws, keeps hanging around, too, lest we become complacent. One of the things you have to do to market your chestnuts is, wash them. That takes water. We're off the grid, so, having reliable supplies is something that takes a bit of forethought.

We just thought fore to the extent of installing a new 2,500 gallon cistern. Polystyrene, alas, but concrete pre-fab was way more expensive, and any custom concrete possibilities even more so. If I had my druthers, I'da dug the hole and laid up fieldstone for a cistern myself; but I don't have the luxury of doing work that slowly, at the moment.

The well pump is a plain Shurflo 9300, a pretty reliable, though slow machine with a good track record. We actually own 3, via the weirdnesses of off-grid living, 2 currently dead but rebuildable as backups.

And, we just purchased a new solar panel, to directly drive the pump; no batteries to be connected; sun shines, pump pumps, into the huge cistern. Theoretically.

You DO need a "pump controller", a little solid state thingy, to prevent the odd chance that your panels may suddenly put out more electricity than your pump can handle, which will burn out your pump. That's a real concern for us, since exactly that can happen on very cold sunny days. Unbeknownst to many, solar panels will put out 1% more current for every 3° C colder it gets. Since panels are "rated" at hot normal temperatures like you'd expect them to be in Florida in full sun in the summer- on a cold day in February in Minnesota; when the air temperature is 25° below 0 F, and the wind is blowing at 30 mph, so the panel is really that cold; and the sun is shining full blast- on a snow field that's bouncing even more light onto the panel- you can suddenly find yourself with WAY more power coming out of the panel than it's rated at.

I found that out by boiling my batteries, the first year I had solar panels. Sure, the information was available - deeeeeeeply buried where nobody ever sees it. Gosh, why is there acid bubbling out of the top of my batteries?

And our spiffy Shurflo pump controller; just purchased with the new panel- has lots of cool facts about it available on the web; except all the technical specifications (or at least, I couldn't find them).

So reading them, now that I've got it in my hands... yeah, yeah, x volts in, y amps in, etc, etc... oh, look "Operating Temperatures: +14°F to + 135°F."

Excuse me?

Unwritten subtext: "We designed your spiffy gizmo to work in Florida; don't try using it anywhere you have actual winters."

They left that part out of the sales brochures.

Sigh.

Ok, my point.

There's a LOT of our world that now works this way; machines, devices, and processes- are designed to work beautifully, within specific parameters.

But, they don't tell you up front what those parameters are. And finding a person, a live one, who truly knows what they are, and how much they can, or can't, be stretched- is often incredibly difficult.

My water system is currently going "pocketa pocketa queep".

And my major response is; I get to wait until Monday, when at 9 AM Pacific time, somebody may, possibly, get my phone message. And may, possibly, pass it on to someone who knows something.

Perhaps.

So, I'm going sledding, with Smidgen. Spice is off to check the electric fence for the horses; on snowshoes.

Baked squash tonight; the woodstove is cranking out the heat.

Complex systems may have lots of collapsible pathways; but fire is hot, and squash is good food.

pocketa pocketa queep

That's a well known literary allusion, in case you didn't know.

Ah, well, it was well known in that world now fading fast behind us; the one where children learned to read early, and learned to love exploring books.

It's from James Thurber's "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty", a celebrated very short story about the large fantasy life of a nebbish. I became acquainted with it by reading my big brother's English textbook a few years ahead of time.

"A huge, complicated machine, connected to the operating table, with many tubes and wires, began at this moment to go pocketa-pocketa-pocketa. "The new anesthetizer is giving away!" shouted an intern. "There is no one in the East who knows how to fix it!" "Quiet, man!" said Mitty, in a low, cool voice. He sprang to the machine, which was now going pocketa-pocketa-queep-pocketa-queep . He began fingering delicately a row of glistening dials. "Give me a fountain pen!" he snapped."

Thurber found the "pocketa" sound highly useful, and applied it in quite a few situations.

"It's forty kilometers through hell, sir," said the sergeant. Mitty finished one last brandy. "After all," he said softly, "what isn't?" The pounding of the cannon increased; there was the rat-tat-tatting of machine guns, and from somewhere came the menacing pocketa-pocketa-pocketa of the new flame-throwers. Walter Mitty walked to the door of the dugout humming "Aupres de Ma Blonde." He turned and waved to the sergeant. "Cheerio!" he said. . . . "

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It struck me yesterday, observing our elections here in the US, that noise seems to be the most certain aspect of our politics and discussions these days, and the most certain outcome.

And that our entire civilization has shifted, from going "pocketa-pocketa-pocketa", to going "pocketa-pocketa-queep".

My prediction, alas, is that pocketa-pocketa-queep is going to be the chief sound, and the sum total of our achievements, for some years ahead.

And, if you have a fountain pen, I don't think anyone has any idea what to do with it.

Render unto Timex...

We've been having fun here with our "land hurricane"; and the lowest barometric pressure ever recorded, either in the USA, or at least the Midwest, depending on your source. We didn't get the absolute worst of it, but it has been work to get through it; tarps ripped off, ripped up, a tree or two down on a road or two, smoke in the house from more atmospheric turbulence than our chimney can handle.

Coulda been worse. Actually, I've seen worse winds here, just not so heavy so long. We've been averaging 30 mph, with bursts up to 55 for three days; but any good summer thunderstorm can have short duration winds up over 70, and I've seen 90 mph. But only for 10 minutes or so.

In the middle of it all, we got to drive to our doctor town for me to have an "upper endoscopy"; the doctors going fishing for anything down my upper gastro-esophageal system that's out of whack and could explain some of my whining. (Can't remember any of it, which means they did a good job; and the bottom line was "nothing obvious" but they did take a couple biopsy chunks to look at closer.) The car blew around on the road a bit, but again; coulda been worse.

When I came out of the anesthesia (this is how we do it in Minnesota),

I was not, surprisingly, gasping for air. Besides being droll and musical, our Midvestern anesthesiologists are very competent. So I woke up surprised.

It was all over and I didn't even remember falling asleep. (thanks for the video to my big brother, who has more time to cruise youtube...)

The next thing on the agenda was a little woozy shopping (with Spice along as unmedicated driver) for the necessities of life.

For me, the necessities include a working watch. I know; half of youse guys out there cheerfully do without one (and even brag about that, from time to time), but as I noted today over on Sharon's post about the relativity of time, I now need to know where I am in the day; how much is left to work with, etc. And no, you can't tell time from the sun in Minnesota in late fall/early winter; more than half the days are sunless.

And my sturdy, reliable, Timex Ironman Triathalon® (can't tell you how manly it makes me feel to wear one!) watch had recently done what they all have done; the watchband broke; long before the watch itself was near the end of its life.

And, guess what? Just as always before (like 5 times, by now) - since I'd bought my Timex IT; the styling had changed, just a teensy, so that- nope, they don't actually have a replacement band available for that particular model... and the watch-girl (used to be the goose-girl, 300 years ago) doesn't really even know how to get this thing disattached...

The (mildly, given the state of the world) aggravating thing is that the watch itself is nicely designed, and has a long, reliable life. And the band always dies long before the watch.

Accident? Ha. We know better. It is, of course, a ploy to sell more watches, keep the profits rolling. I can hear the conversation in the Timex marketing meetings: "Ok, look, the damn engineering department has screwed us again; these bloody things run without a problem for 4-5 years! How the hell can we justify our bonuses if we're only selling one per customer in 5 years?? Here's how we can fix this disaster...)

It's a broad huge problem with our world, of course; the waste of resources, where there is no actual need for it, just greed for it.

But. I've come to be resigned to this kind of little irritation; it's an intractable problem, and not quite as urgent as some others (like all-time record breaking weather); and not a fight I really have the time to get into, anyway. Hélas.
.

So. I'm calling it The Timex Tax. Sure as death and. Inescapable. You pays your money, and you takes your chances.

But at least, now, no matter where I am on the farm, chopping water or hauling wood, I'll be sure to know how much longer I have to struggle onward, today. My Timex Tax is paid for another 2-3 years.

The Denialoons...

Super quickie. Just wanted to let the world know I am unleashing a new neologism (sick).

Just hit me as I was composing scathing reposts to the paid deniers over on Richard Black's BBC environment blog.

Unfortunately, the blog is infested with obvious paid deniers/disruptors (obvious if you're trained in spotting them), and it's sad because there are people there trying to discuss and learn. If not blocked, they will eventually succeed in castrating the blog, just as happened to Andy Revkin's "Dot Earth" on the NYT.

Anyway. I'd recently described an organization I know as "an addled loon egg", and may have been heard to comment how glad I am to know that loons are not endangered, in some venues...

And the words just came together. Denial. Loon.

Oh, the fit is perfect, and "denialoon" sounds to me like what is known in the marketing biz as a "sticky" word. It's memorable; and can get around.

So; a little boxing, from me. Denialoons is what they are; and will always be. Much stickier than "flat-earther".

Pass it around! :-)

ps - well, pooh. A quick google, done after writing the above, shows that one other person has put this together, before me. But, they made no effort to launch it. I wanna launch it; good epithets can have legs, or wings, in this case...

apropos of nothing-

I got so many chuckles out of this, I just have to pass it on.  It's not "green" or science or nothin- just a funny commentary on humans.

Got this email just now: 

From: mike@aol.com

Subject: Beneficiary

Date: April 21, 2010 1:18:20 PM CDT

To: undisclosed-recipients:;

Reply-To: mikewilliams11@yahoo.cn

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc
Customers Service Hours / Monday To Saturday
Office Hours Monday To Saturday:


Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $11million due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.



The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Umaru Yar'Adua to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes.

Now how would you like to receive your payment? because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?


ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $3,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2014. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days.

Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via UPS. Because we have signed a contract with UPS which should expire by the end of may 2010 you will only need to pay $110 instead of $520 saving you $410 So if you pay before March 28 2010 you save $410 Take note that anyone asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $110.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.



Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website to confirm people like you who have received their payment successfully.

Name : Donna L. Vargas: UPS Tracking Number: 1Z757F991598420403 ( www.ups.com)
Name : Rovenda Elaine Clayton: UPS Tracking Number:  1Z757F991596606592 (www.ups.com)



Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $110.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $520 but because UPS have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $520 to $110 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!

To effect the release of your fund valued at 11million usd  you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer MR. MIKE WILLIAMS with the information below,

Email: mikewilliams11@yahoo.cn
Telephone:+234-803-357-0260

You are adviced to contact him with the informations as stated below:


Your full Name..
Your Address:..............
Home/Cell Phone:..............
Preferred Payment Method ( ATM / Cashier Check )

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 24hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

Yours sincerely,

Miss Donna Story
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr. Mike Williams of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.
----------------------------------------------------

  And, as always- the most amazing thing is- there ARE people who actually fall for stuff this crude- which is why they keep sending it out.

ay, yi yi.

It's Just Spring-

  Not dead here, just slowly subsiding into the great mud sea.

  It's been a strange 5 months in Lake Wobegon...  so to speak.  :-)

  For the first time in many years, it froze up in late November, and really didn't thaw, at all until about a week ago.  And since it started to thaw, it hasn't stopped.  45° days, 36° nights, one after another, with a few variations, on the up side.

  So, an insane work load right now.  Not going to get better anytime soon, but I should be able to get here more often now.

  Oh, and, incidentally.

  Stepping in thawed dog poo with your YakTrax on is not recommended.

The Tooth Fairy- a Growth Industry!

Now that we all know economic "growth" is dead- the realization is spreading, and turning up in non-intuitive places.

I tripped over this one (on BBC), and laughed so hard I had to share it with you.

Really perfect Polka Dot Gallows material- you don't know whether to laugh or cry; you just kind of sit there, jaw dropped, and boggle.

It's the only remnant of The Capitalist Dream! Enough money to bury you. Obtained, you hope, by a gambling proposition (insurance: I bet I'll pay less in than they'll pay out)- which you believe you'll win. Although all the calculations of the insurance company say- you won't. Their profits depend on that. Do insurance companies make profits? Do fish have sex in the water?

And if you can zoom your screen a little, and get a good look at the fairy's face- it strikes me as skeptical, with a little secret smirk. Right up front.

That's what they're selling, to a herd never weaned from Disney.

I would like to know, scientifically, how many are buying.

sigh.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Update:

Ok, can't help it, it's raining today so I'm inside reading too much.

And just boggling all over the place at the substitution of polysyllabic incompetence for "thinking".

Started off with a diatribe on the NYT "GreenInc" blog. Not posted yet, so who knows; but I'll repeat it here:

All the critics here are correct; but you’ve fallen into the trap set by the scheme instigators.

You’re fighting fire with logic. Doesn’t actually work, in terms of putting any fires out; it just generates committees.

The real problem is professors. (don’t you just love it when people say ‘the real problem is…’ )

Professors- not known for their broadscale thinking, repeatedly find they have a hammer in their possession. And they get enthusiastic about it.

“Look at this huge beautiful hammer!” they cry- attracting many who got Cs in science in high school, and assume professors know what they’re talking about.

“We have to use this hammer! And your problem looks to me like the perfect nail!”

Except is isn’t a nail, at all. This problem right here is an Allen head bolt, and the hammer is not useful.

But the hammer is big and shiny- and expensive, so there’s loads of money to be made studying it all, and building prototypes.

“Hey, technology is huge these days! We’ll figure out fixes for the problems later!:”

Just like they did for corn ethanol- a direction now abandoned by all not brain dead or deeply invested.

CEOs of power companies; and legislators, really need to ask for a full-scale, long term (500 year) plan and extrapolation. If the process proposers don’t have one- that’s really really good evidence they haven’t thought beyond their big shiny hammer, at all.

Do we have time to waste, and money- on Allen head bolts flattened and mashed beyond extraction by big shiny hammers?

That’s supposed to be rhetorical.

— Greenpa

Used to be only ninnys didn't think problems all the way through- but it seems to be a pathway now being taught to PhDs.

The next example, which pushed me over the edge, is from BBC Science.

This professor guy (and not a minor professor, but "the director of the scientific aquaculture programme at the Marine Biological Laboratory (MBL) in Woods Hole, Massachusetts") is spending huge amount of money working on training aquaculture fish to come back when called, in the ocean; by a specific sound.

Then, see, they could go find some of their own food, and wouldn't always be pooping in the same toilet, but would come back when you wanted to feed- or kill them.

First try didn't work. Predators ate them, as soon as they were allowed to escape from the cage. I'll be darned.

Besides which- gosh, if you've got your fish trained to come and be fed, and the signal is a sound... exactly how long do you think it will take the predators to learn that the sound means- time to come and get fed? Right here?

I think any signal, in any medium, you can use to train your fish will emphatically be intercepted by the predators, immediately.

At first, the fish began to forage outside of the aquadome, moving in and out at the prompt of the sound, just as the researchers had hoped.

"But then we start seeing these bluefish circling our cage. And these are notorious for being ravenous and ruthless hunters," he says.

"Very frustratingly, we went back day after day to find these fish still showing up at the cage, and we couldn't for the life of us call the black sea bass back.

The tags helped the researchers to identify their bass

"They were scared to death - we went diving, and we could see them amongst the rocks, but nothing was going to make them run that gauntlet between the rocks and the cage when it would put their lives at risk."

And the fish had good reason to be scared.

When the team caught one of the bluefish and slit open its belly, they discovered 12 tiny tags - the fish that they had been attached to had already been digested.

But. Big, hopeful, news coverage on the BBC!! Hey, the funders will love it.

And his answer? Gonna build robotic sheep-dog sharks to keep the little predators away.

What a good idea.

sigh.

Ok, so the hammer is not working on this machine screw. Maybe if I hit it from the side, with more money...

Proof !!

SciFi writer Larry Niven, in his younger days, proliferated "Finagle's Law", which is basically Murphy's Law (Anything that can go wrong, will.) re-written for geeks.

My recollection is "The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum."

I can now add a corollary (that is, in addition to the one I've already added; Greenpa's Law: "Everything can go wrong. Just wait.")

Right now I'm spending a lot of time mowing grass. This is in preparation for our harvest- it's really hard to pick stuff off of bushes when the quackgrass and thistles are taller than the bushes; and it's also great cover for rodents down there. You gotta get rid of the grass. So I mow.

The guineas, you understand, are part of our long-term plan for the grass. A) they eat some. and B) they are phenomenal "watch" animals. If we wind up with sheep, or calves- the guineas should be all over, and will alert the dogs to any intruders. Theoretically.

Anyway. Partly I mow up on the John Deere, using a following flail. And, I mow using the Grillo walking tractor, with the Ferrari sickle bar; 7.5 hp Yanmar diesel, and the best sickle bar ever made. I'm in love. But you still gotta walk; for miles, holding on to a jerking, vibrating noisemaker.

So, it's, like- THIRSTY work. For reasons probably connected with Finagles Law, my JD 70 hp 4WD utility tractor (open, no cab) has NOWHERE to put or hang a water container. Apart from improvised places, which always result in tearing off a signal light on a tree branch, or the metal water container being dropped into the mower. So- no water. Likewise, the Grillo is a water-free zone; you just don't want to be carrying a canteen; it'll beat you to death, and a "camel" pack is a hilarious idea- you'll sweat out twice the water you can carry because it cuts off air circulation on your back, completely.

THIRRRRSTY.

Having done this a time or two, of course you can plan for work loops that end up somewhere where you can get water. Obviously.

One of them is our 80 year old Aermotor windmill, which pumps all the water for the Little House. When the wind is blowing, of course. But I do usually try to avoid mowing on windless days (which we have plenty of in summer) - because I'll sweat and die.

So- today the wind is blowing, VERY steady; 12 mph from the NNW. A good clear direction; pumps water great.

I get off the tractor, cool it down, turn it off; pull out my earplugs; and walk to the windmill, which is pumping just as steady as can be.

I bend down, pick up the hose from it- and...

The wind dies.

This is ABSOLUTELY reliable. I've been keeping track; for 25 years (we didn't have the windmill for the first 5).

No kidding. In 25 years, here are the data.

No. of times I've taken a drink directly from the pumping mill (or tried to): 264.

No. of times the wind has died when I picked up the hose: 248.

No. of times the wind quit completely, and I gave up: 197.

Fool that I am; today the wind was so steady, I thought I could sneak in a drink.

Nope. Gave up.

Here is the new corollary to Finagle's Law:

The Aermotor Corollary:

If you really need a drink from your windmill, the wind WILL die immediately, and water pumping will cease for as long as you wait for it to restart.

Those are hard data folks.

Somebody IS out to get us.

The Polka-Dot Gallows

What the hay, we might as well get a chuckle or two as the Alpaca lips nibble on us.

The video ends in that fashion, I'm sure, because the camera person was overwhelmed and eaten by the alpacas at that point.

Our friends in the UK have the right idea.  They're abandoning the British pound (which is in trouble) and printing their own money.  By golly if the gummint can do it, so can we.

And, by way of improvement- whose face are they going to put on the money?

How about - Benny Hill?

The Plumber Parable Proliferates

Yesterday much ado was generated by Thomas Friedman; the NYT econ-astrology (trying that out, feonix; thanx...) columnist.   Friedman has gotten lots of attention in the past year or so by advocating that we can, basically "grow" our way out of our economic maelstrom by investing in "green" technologies.  He's even written a book about it, the title of which is sometimes parodied as "Flat, Overheated, and Vacuous".  Some of his first toutings were in the NYT, and I responded to what was being called "muscular green" way back then, in some detail.

Reception by environmental thinkers of his book, and his basic "green industrialization" concept, has not been all that great.  Pretty clearly, he still was not "getting" the basic need for some limits here, somewhere.  Like all neo-classical economists, buried in his essential assumptions is the one about "perpetual growth" (it's "good", and "necessary", in order to make the models work.)

Yesterday he printed a column that many folks greeted enthusiastically - it looked, indeed, as if Friedman had "gotten religion".   And it did kinda look that way-

"We have created a system for growth that depended on our building more and more stores to sell more and more stuff made in more and more factories in China, powered by more and more coal that would cause more and more climate change but earn China more and more dollars to buy more and more U.S. T-bills so America would have more and more money to build more and more stores and sell more and more stuff that would employ more and more Chinese ...

We can’t do this anymore"

Golly jeepers!  His eyes have opened!  Hope!  Sharon, over at Casubon's Book, was downright enthusiastic.  In her special way.  :-)  

I however, wound up focusing on his later paragraphs; where- he lapsed into:

"We must have growth, but we must grow in a different way. ... Let’s grow by creating flows rather than plundering more stocks."

Semantics should not be the problem here- to an econ-astrologer, "growth" means- my factory will get bigger each year- forever.  More employees.  More profits.  More customers.

Friedman is playing with changing that definition; but I don't think he's managed, really.  I'm just not buying what he's selling.  Crank that I am.

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So; today- he's got another column out.  Announcing to the world that, officially! - we have a real, serious problem with the economy.  "This is not a test.  This is not a test."  He says.

Yay!  He noticed.  That's good.

Alas... and hooray... he goes on to illustrate that my Parable Of The Poor Plumber has broad applicability.

Here is his answer to all our problems:

"All this will require leadership of the highest order — bold decisions, persistence and persuasion. There is a huge amount of money on the sidelines eager to bet again on America. But right now, there is too much uncertainty; no one knows what will be the new rules governing investments in our biggest financial institutions. If President Obama can produce and sell that plan, private investors, big and small, will give us a stimulus like you’ve never seen.

Which is why I wake up every morning hoping to read this story: 'President Obama announced today that he had invited the country’s 20 leading bankers, 20 leading industrialists, 20 top market economists and the Democratic and Republican leaders in the House and Senate to join him and his team at Camp David. ‘We will not come down from the mountain until we have forged a common, transparent strategy for getting us out of this banking crisis,’ the president said, as he boarded his helicopter.' "

The Answer- will come from... hold your breath, now...

#1- Leading Bankers!!

#2- Leading Industrialists! 

#3- Top! Market! Econ-Astrologers!

#4- Leading Politicians!

 Are we all rolling on the floor in helpless laughter?  Um.  Aren't these exactly the same plumbers that busted the sink in the first place- and have had no idea how to fix it?

Way to think outside the box!!   Sorry, Charlie; we need tuna that - isn't rotten?  Knee-jerks are just not going to get us out of this whirlpool.

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Not to mention Friedman apparently hasn't heard of that (apocryphal) study by the Rand Corporation on the most effective size of committees.

He wants 20 Bankers.  20 Industrialists.  20 Econ-astrologers.  And leading donkeys and elephants from both houses of Congress- not sure how you decide how many, but obviously parity is needed - so at least another 20.  Hopefully not 20 each...

So now you have a good decision making body of at least - 80 Leading! individuals.  Who are not coming down off the mountain until they have it ALL figured out.

Hm.  On second thought.  Maybe that's a good idea.  We could put all those Leading! people up there- and never have to listen to them again.  They ain't never coming down.

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According to the story.  After years of acquiring data.  Data analysis.  Theorizing.  Etc.

The Rand Corporation put together a well-tested equation, for the optimum function of a "committee".

Optimum number of members in a committee for best decision making?  

"Less than one."  Says so, right on the graph.

oh, yeah, and CitiBank was up- another 9¢ today!  

I'm thinking about painting the gallows in polka-dots.

CitiBank UP 40%!!!

LOL!!  Huge day on Wall Street!  And the headlines go wild!!

And 40% looks like a BIG jump- until you realize - it wasn't only 40 PERCENT-

CitiBank was up a total of....... 40 CENTS!!  

All the way from a buck-five to a buck-fortyfive!!  Forty - pennies.

All our troubles are over; after that overwhelming vote of confidence by investors!!  40¢!!!!!!!!

Never realized gallows humor could get so hilarious.

Equal opportunity.

Amid all the discussions of tough times, inequity, and iniquity; in all the fault finding and divisive partisan finger pointing, all the edgy racial and cultural tension; I'm delighted to present you with..  this.

Ok, it's ghoulish, rotten, tasteless, and wrong of me, but this does have a bit of a funny side to it.

Just so everyone knows; solid, salt-of-the-earth, rural, Minnesota families; who share a long-time landscaping business- can get testy and go right off the deep end, just like any evildoers from your worst nightmare.

Comforting!

Embezzlement seems to be getting less popular.  Has to be frustration with Wall Street, don't you think?  Maybe you should email this to your favorite "financial sector" worker - help cheer them up.

Authorities are allegedly investigating the possibility that this entire family is descended from Nellie Oleson, of "Little House" infamy.

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Meanwhile; working on a fridge post; but it'll be later, gotta harvest, then vote.