Wednesday, February 20, 2013
So it turns out my first review will be of Google's "AdSense". Not rats. Or, maybe it is rats. You know, the nifty way Google offers (repeatedly) for bloggers to make a few pennies with easy-peasy advertising on their blogs?
Now this blog here is what you'd call a "middling" performer, at the moment. Far from the top (though way back in the early days, when I was posting daily, and visiting other bloggers, and doing the whole megillah, I did get up into the top 2% on Technorati for a while) - but also very far from the bottom. (Hm; actually; just checked Technorati for the first time in years; this blog is ranked 56,258* - out of 1,322,165 blogs they monitor. Last time I did math; that puts me in the top 5%, right now- yes? That includes a lot of dead blogs, of course.)
I expected signing up to prostitute myself would be very simple and straightforward- that's certainly what Google led me to believe. Take a look at their basic pitch, a little video (I think they borrowed the Geico gecko - cute, huh?) about 1 minute long. Sounds simple, no?
So I bit the bullet. Filled in all the blanks with all the information. Clicked all the boxes. And?
They turned me down! Rudely; in fact. They didn't just say "Sorry, but we are not able to open an AdSense account with you at the moment."; no, they informed me, in one sentence, that "this account has been disapproved."
I think they need an expert in communication, somewhere to tell them that "cannot approve" and "disapprove" are not identical messages. They disapprove of me. Oh yeahhh!? Well, I disapprove of YOU. So there!
; - )
And- surprise- friendly, local, Google, our warm internet buddy, has gone Big Biz- and they can't really be bothered with... um... customers, I guess. I got NO feedback on - why. Just (twice) this rude and truly exceptionally uncommunicative email:
"Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your
application, our specialists have found that it does not meet our program
criteria. Therefore, we are unable to accept you into our program.
"We have certain policies in place that we believe will help ensure the
effectiveness of Google ads for our publishers as well as for our
advertisers. We review all publishers, and we reserve the right to decline
any application. As we grow, we may find that we are able to expand our
program to more web publishers with a wider variety of web content.
"Please note that we may not be able to respond to inquiries regarding the
specific reasons for our decision. Thank you for your understanding.
"The Google AdSense Team"
I'm wounded. Not only did they turn my offer of self-prostitution down- they can't be bothered to tell me why! Not a hint. Well; except that it's my fault, and they disapprove. I don't meet their criteria?
You know- you could have saved my time- and yours - by stating your criteria; in a format I could comprehend. Gotta say - you didn't. And you didn't inform me after the event, either. Not, in my book, sound business practice. I'm informing the Wall Street Journal. Look for Google stock to start dropping tomorrow.
And; my specialists think your specialists are a bunch of self-inflated nincompoops.
Basically, I'm laughing about this; of course. At most, I expected to be earning a pittance. But more seriously- I read all their stuff; so far as I can tell from reading their official information there is no reason why I wouldn't fit right in. Hey; no porn here, right? You don't even see an f word in the comments here, more than twice a year. Exactly what is there here for Great Google to disapprove? He whimpered. I am clueless. Again. Naturallee.
Rude, rude, rude.
Just too hard to concentrate on rats today with this kind of insult lurking about in my hindbrain.
So; Review: Google AdSense: Two Thumbs Down.
And a neener-neener.
(and I'm sure some "specialist" at Google will remark "Wow, talk about biting the hand that feeds you!" - since the host of this blog is, um Blogger; which is now owned by Google... except, guys - manifestly, you aren't feeding me...)
* Update, next day; today my Technorati rating jumped up over - 10,000 blogs. 2/21 - 46,521. To give you and idea how all this works. : - )