"Look," said CEO Darth Chainy, "we're already shoveling in the money by buying up corn, wheat, rice and crap like that- just hold it a while, and the price goes up. So it occurred to me- why the hell aren't we doing this with medical stuff? I mean, Jeez. How dumb can we get?" He admitted the idea was stimulated by his finally realizing how much money is already pumped out of those needing medicines. "We just don't have any piece of that action, and I resent it." he grinned.
The Securities and Exchange Commission and Federal Reserve Bank reacted with enthusiasm, and pledged to work hard not to regulate this "brilliant new financial sector instrument." "This really could be the answer to the burst housing bubble." burbled Ben-Bob Berninny, the Head Fed. "I mean really, think of it- you buy up all these chemotherapy drugs- and hold them! The price HAS to go up!"
Cargiburton announced new divisions specifically aimed at controlling the AIDS drugs markets, anti-malaria drugs, cold and flu medications, and medical oxygen. Vitamins were ruled out- it's too easy for people to just eat green veggies, which they already control anyway.
And so it goes.
Apologies to Crunchy- no, this is not funny. In case some of you can't tell, I'm FURIOUS at the moment.